1.4 Planned Obsolescence

(Post removed. Sorry for the lack of content… Will consolidate my ideas into a new post soon)

1.3 “In the zone”, and the difficulty of being there.

The curious thing is to most of us is that you never know when it will happen, but suddenly we experience occasionally at some level what Michael Jordan and stellar athletes experienced on a more regular basis.

I was “in the zone” tonight at least for the span of one game – at my once a week darts game tonite. Even though I was engaging in a discussion or often distracted, in fact often someone had to remind me that it was my turn, when I stepped up to throw darts, I simply reminded myself of  my goal and the darts hit the target. It actually seemed the more I was distracted, when I approached the line something close to my ideal performance “just happened”.

I am writing this quick blog about it, because I believe this experience is what we all wish as more the norm, the “in the moment” experience, and the euphoria that afterwords gives us the courage to do it again.

We are all planning,  strategizing, practicing, but what gives me a lot of pleasure is seeing that  I can get close to my ideal and sometimes break through it, when I am ego-less, and all of the muscle memory pays off as I just visualize the goal (with little time to think about it), and it happens for me.

I am grateful for some part of myself which is drawn to extreme experiences which forces the mind to be “completely present”, as in for myself  Mountain Biking and Rock Climbing as examples. The downside for failure to be “present” is through experience learned to be so incredibly high (physical pain,  broken limbs and even death) that you are trained to become ego-less and so completely present, to only see the the next obstacle, and react to it.

In rock climbing especially if you lead a climb outdoors (not with the safety net of the gym), you learn to place “pro” (protection), but when you come to a crux, you must be in the moment and often trust that a small crystal for your foot or finger hold will hold some percentage of your weight, and that at that point you will see the next move to either safety -  or another crux, where you need to quickly move on again.

Is this not instructive to our lives? The recognition that we must sometimes leap to the next level, and adapt to that in the moment, is a real fact of modern life.

The time is past where we don’t have to take these risks, where we can just step from a known position to another known position.

In old rock climbing lore,  we have heard the saying that “the leader must not fall”. But this is not quite true in rock climbing and life, especially with the aggressive challenges that face us. The leader falls, and learns  and either he/she regains the strength and confidence and a new strategy to continue, or the next climber takes a shot at the that challenge. Rock climbing and life is a team effort. A team is roped together.

But getting back to the theme, as strategic and farsighted as we try to be, we need to live and breathe “in the moment”. Some of us are so good at a certain level of valued expertise that they can live most of their lives “in the moment”, at a level of high value. There are stellar programmers, doctors, and experts in many fields  who  I envy their daily “flow”.

But for the rest of us we need to keep pushing the boundary, and be uncomfortable at the next level and then hopefully feel the “in the zone” flow before we are pushed or take the “leap” to the next level. Often we fail more than once before we move on. In fact, in the constant acceleration of “progress”, we often need to “leap”, without even seeing the next toehold.

This is the plight of the modern man (er human).

It is about faith. Faith in oneself and the family, the people or team around us. And the tolerance and embracing of failure as instructive.

There is a rock climbing phenomenon which is “shaking leg” syndrome. The next move is perceived to be far beyond our ability/experience, that the fear becomes overwhelming and uncontrollable and the climber physically starts shaking and may even fall off of a somewhat safe position. Most sane climbers have been there.

Fear is the mind killer.

The only antidote is to regain the “in the moment” clarity. What is the next step? Just take  it.

1.2 Personal Media Overload

Please help me! In recent years I finally bought a Digital SLR. Now that I have a second child, baby girl, I bought a Digital “HD” Camcorder to record those special moments.

A few things are bugging me.

1. I have no time to process most of those special moments, post them to FB or hosted sites so people can print or download them.
2. My personal enjoyment of fun events starts becoming secondary to my awareness of “getting the shot or movie”, and I start having a “secondary experience”, thinking about how people will enjoy the event though my lens.

Some background about me is that I got into photography very early. I was a high-school photographer, and had a B&W darkroom setup in my basement. So it is hard for me to “not be serious” about all of this.

Years later, sometime during and after college I took many years off and almost took no photos. In my first trip to Europe after college I didn’t bring a camera, just bought a disposable camera and took some shots. I enjoyed myself so much more for years, with this new attitude.

Recently as a “recovering photographer” I thought I was ready. No so.

Hmmm. But I was just visualizing the hunched over position of people gazing at the iPhone seemingly trying to fill every void, as the last character of the oft-abused evolution illustration, but now from fish to lizard to ape…,  to iPhone-gazer.

Is my struggle with my photo “addiction” not similar? We can replace the iPhone-gazer with a camera easily (or more likely an iPhone in-hand pointed the other way around, as cameras become obsolete.

I mean finding humor in life and taking snapshots and videos is one thing. Mashing them up is fun too. But when I take photos, often I am so entirely focused on the capturing the essence of the image and the technical hurdles, sometimes as an artist, sometimes documenting. I am detached from the reality of the thing itself. I see contrasts and colors only.

It’s a little worrisome when my son is asking me something and I have to pull back from the camera or camcorder and engage with him. He has also at just 2 1/2 seen many photos and videos of himself. He has seen a number of people enjoy his pre-school performance which I made a DVD of. I wonder what he thinks of all this, and how it will affect him. Will he change his behavior as if he’s always on stage? Am I creating a little actor or fame-seeker? He already can easily make a smile on request – maybe too easily.

My instinct is to pull back from all of this a bit, and live again. I have done a lot of sports, and some extreme sports which are more exiting with rarely a thought of recording the act.

I feel that for me the conscious act of “going on a photo shoot” needs to be separated from snapshots and opportunistic videos of something funny.

Also, capturing the beauty and joy, and humor of the infant and  toddler is quite precious, and a lot of that comes from the spontaneous and largely unconscious joyful crazy behavior. When children become more self conscious, it makes sense to back off a little. No one wants a camera in their face all the time, it breaks the flow and enjoyment of the moment for them as well.

My last thought is about memory. Sometimes it helps to have photos to jog it. I wonder as we get older if we can confuse the picture or video from our own direct perception.

Thoughts anyone?

1.1 Thinking about 9/11

It has been 9 years since 9/11. As planes crashed into the World Trade Center and Pentagon, I was dumbfounded, in disbelief, then fear and terror, as it became real. The Twin towers crashing to the ground, the incredible loss of life, people fleeing the poisonous gas as it swept through Manhattan. The heroic NYC firemen, and police trying to help people out of the toppling buildings and afterwards, without any thought to their own safety or health.

Inside my chest there was a pain, I called my sister, who lives in NY on Long Island, where I grew up. She was ok, and not in the city, maybe some friends or family were there, she would call back. After a day or two no one we knew directly was killed.

Soon grief, and terror, blended with fear and anger, it was impossible to process it, and it stayed with us all in our hearts for a very long time. It remains there and has changed us all. My heart goes out to the those who were killed and their families to the firemen, police and their family and their losses, and their subsequent health issues, and the disabilities they struggle with still.

As a nation we were victimized. More directly than any time in our history and we all felt it, all of us.

As we came to understand how this act of terror was accomplished with highly organized planning from a distant land, and yet simple means, we all realized that none of us, wherever we lived could truly feel safe and secure again.

I think you may agree that our country’s attack on and utter destruction and control of Iran,  was not about WMDs. Or bringing freedom and democracy to a rogue state.  Or removing a dictator bent on harming us, and digging him out of a hole and bringing him to justice. I was against the war, but I have to admit that while watching in disbelief the “shock and awe”, part of my primitive brain understood that it was payback time. Even though we were attacking a country that had nothing to do with 9/11, they were enough like them to act as a proxy for our vengeful hearts.

Over the course of the years I have had many conversations and debates about terrorism, its causes, about our role in the Middle East, about Islam the religion. But I think you would agree that the Christians of today cannot be held accountable for the the Inquisition and the Roman expansion and Crusades. So just because this injustice has so recently wounded our hearts, Muslims cannot be held accountable for extremists to use the faith people have in Islam to pervert it to control people and direct them to horrible acts of terror.

I want to bring our attention to “victimization”.

All of us have been victimized by 9/11. Indeed all of us have been intimately victimized by someone or something: parents, spouses, bosses, racism, homophobia, even companies, governments and policies.

In this recession, many of us are struggling with employment, with keeping our homes with basic survival. And the forces that caused this recession, like unregulated Wall Street behavior, Bank behavior, are easy to point to.

We are victimized, but are we victims?

In these last few years and months, my family has received clothing and toys for the new baby, and our toddler from friends and relatives, which amounts to thousands of dollars. We give these back to friends who have younger children. A friend has given me the keys to his home so I could use his home office at will to enable me to look for and find a job. My sister is shipping baby clothes across the country yet again. After a recent layoff a network has formed to let everyone know the best openings. My inlaws have come from China and are helping us with the new baby. Even my former company in these hard times was generous to us in ways I cannot specify, without which I would have struggled to pay expenses, or missed essential healthcare.

These hard times have brought me closer to to my friends, family, colleagues and people I didn’t even know.

So are we victims of this recession or of anything? No, never!

One thing I have always believed is that “no person, no entity, no company, no government owes you anything”.

The idea of self-ownership, and non-victimhood is so powerful, it has taken firm hold in pop-psychology, business, and everywhere (except for maybe government, and those that want to think you are “owed”).

When I lived in West Philly, there were huge enclaves of Vietnamese “refugees” who lived in abandoned apartment complexes, and their children had rags for clothes. It was third word. Within a year or two these immigrants owned most of the corner groceries in black neighborhoods. There was a lot of news about the tension this created. How did this happen? These immigrants established a system of a sort of tithe/bank, because noone real Bank would lend them money. If you put in money for a couple years a group or family could get a loan to open a business.

This concept has been replicated by micro-loans to motivated but poor people in the middle Americas, and Africa.

If you are still reading, I thank you.

But I bet you are asking what does this have to do with 9/11 or terrorism or the Middle East?

==> The general population in these regions that create terror are terrorized and victimized and most tragically see themselves as victims – of us, of the USA.

I don’t have the answers, but there is so much entreprenuerial know-how in the US and Western world.

I believe if we alter our strategy in Afghanistan (and the region) from assassinating Bin-Laden and terrorist Chieftans, to finding ways to empowering people to be self-suffient, that has a better chance at succeeding.

People around the world want to improve their lives and their children’s lives and they are resourceful and want to regain ownership and dignity.

If the choice of self-empowerment is possible they will choose that before they choose joining a posse and hating America.

Our job is to infiltrate somehow and “bomb them” with the awareness that this choice still exists and the means to make the choice of self-reliance.

I know this is simplistic, but some of the best ideas are simple. To wit:

We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

I know we still believe this in the USA. I want the world to believe by our actions that this is what we stand for.

1.0 Labor Day tips on finding a new job!

This has been a physically challenging few weeks as I re-sprained my back  (no snickering) by lifting my son to change his sleeping position. I know it seems to defy the laws of physics,  but I swear my son weighs twice as much sleeping than awake.

It should be Thanksgiving, because on this Labor Day I am thankful that my doctor is not averse to prescribing pharmaceuticals for pain.

And I give thanks on this day that I am starting a new job tomorrow in a startup company with great technology, talented people, great mindshare and momentum and real customers!

The art of getting onboard the right startup is akin to surfing the right wave, get in early, with the right wave, paddle hard to get your momentum up, step up and ride it up and down and gracefully exit before it crashes into the reef without taking you with it. Some startups have many waves, and I hope to paddle out and ride many waves with this one.

This time I was able to find a great job that fit me well within a week of the previous wave crashing on the reef! Many surfers suffering a few bruises, but I wish many bigs waves for them as well. But guess what, I’ve got some ointment for that bruise this Labor Day.

Here are some tips that served me well to avoid the reef and catch the wave:

1. Always be ready to interview, always think of your personal value-add, stay technical or close to your roots. If the company is in trouble, take a moment to take care of your self. It’s like when the ailrline stewardess says to put on your mask before your child’s. Refresh your resume and do the things you would to prep for looking for a job if you were already out of work. Then stay professional and see if you can pull some turns on the wave you’re on.
2. Don’t doubt yourself. Don’t, even for a second give a moment to the concept of loyalty or doubt. Loyalty is for friends and family, and as Reed Hastings CEO of Netflix says “this is not a family this is a high-performance team”. A company will cut you to save money when it has to.  And it is often the best performing teams that are cut. Why? Their parts of the product or business are exceeding expectations. Often the worst performing part of the business stays behind. The part of the product or team that still needs some work. Or it’s just the business is changing focus. I have seen this many times. Just don’t take it personally. Enjoy the weeks off and find something better. You may have made great friends and like the company. So wish them well, and share stories at happy hour. Remember who is an excellent colleague and teammate and reach out when they become available.
3. Investigate the true company culture, and find one that fits. Reed also let’s every entering group know, “An average performance will get you a decent severance package”. Of course Netflix prides itself on hiring only senior people for specific positions. So why the need to tell his very best hirees these gems of wisdom a month after they’ve joined? It’s to make it clear that Netflix churns out people at a very high rate and many of the best people leave because they are need to “watch their backs”. Make sure you probe during interviews, and if possible talk to people who have left a company about what it is like to work there. There are quite a few companies that produce great products and their stock seems golden. It is best to check out companies through colleagues you know who have worked there. I personally like startups because everyone is working hard and smart because they feel ownership and want the company to succeed.
4. Don’t burn bridges, or hold grudges. It’s business. Your boss may have fought for you or have been cut out of the decision loop. Or not. It doesn’t make sense ever to flame out. Remember to not doubt yourself. Be professional, always.
5. Let your Network know when you are looking! Bring your linkedin Summary  and last few jobs up-to-date. Link with people from the last few years. Email key people.
6. Target colleagues and companies and positions that you have been tracking. Often you can get references to key people through linkedin, and get your resume straight to the hiring manager or close to them.
7. Actively use one or two job boards by selecting positions you think will fit you. Then if possible do not use the job board to connect or submit your resume. If you can do it with linkedin through a friend or colleague. Briefly read the automated stuff you receive, mostly it is junk.
8. Use a recruiter or agency that you know and trust. If you don’t know, ask a few people who are very successful in your field, who would they recommend? In a bad market I might do this after a few weeks, after exhausting the networking options. In today’s market I didn’t contact any agencies or recruiters. Remember that most companies don’t want to pay an extra 20% on top of your salary.

Also, maybe even more important, start right away. Don’t wait a week or two. The tech job market is very fickle. It can be hot even in a recession and get cold quickly. I would say in the Bay Area it is pretty good right now, but the Holidays have a way of distracting people, even people that want to hire, so if you want a new job go for it!

And good surfing!

0.0 Prologue

I remember way back in high school, when I was working nights at the local tennis club raking the clay courts after hours that my best friend N said, “We’re never going to cop out and live in suburbia like our parents, right?”. I said something like,  ”Are you kidding? I HATE suburbia! What a cop out of a life. Our parents hate themselves. Maybe I’ll live in Nepal and climb mountains. Why settle down at all, just keep moving to places around the world and see what you can do, who you can meet.” “Right on, man, let’s do some serious trekking”, he said. At least that’s roughly the way it plays out in the tape loop in my head.

Well, Nepal didn’t happen. After college I got a job in possibly the most corrupt city on the planet, and my psyche took a beating to the point that I was out at night blowing up stuff and using homemade canons to fire  potatoes at random homes across the street at parties.  When I took a trip across the country, and saw California, I was like wow, this is the land of the lotus-eaters. Everything is bright and shiny. People stop for pedestrians. There are majestic mountains and cliffs along the ocean.I called a head-hunter on the trip and within a few months I was working in the Bay Area.

Being single and employed in high-tech, those were lush days in Silicon Valley. At lunch we mountain biked into the hills and at night went to X-laced S&M parties. Little scenes for your pleasure with whips and chains dungeons and men dressed in furry bunny suits being flogged by women in latex. Goths trying to bite your neck with their newly filed teeth and laughing. Mostly we were just nerds on the sidelines, watching adolescence creep into the 30s and 40s.

Fast forward 20 years and I’m sardined into a townhouse with a toddler a new baby girl my wife and her parents. In the most expensive suburbia on the planet. A bit late to be just starting this game, the marriage and children thing, the American suburban dream. But here I am.

Your probably thinking, ok, this old guy had some dysfunctional times, but now he’s married with kids – what does he know about  ”Gonzo”, and what’s with the “2050″, and why would I keep reading this blog?

Gonzo is about telling it like it is, unedited.  Gonzo is also about being part of the story. I am just a recovering Nerd trying to live a better life in the Bay Area. Hopefully you will find my rants entertaining, my practical topics helpful, and will share with me some badly needed tips along my journey.

2050 could either be the year of the “Singularity” according to Ray Kurtzweil and people like this, or it could be the year of my demise according to some online medical Q&As about my “Real Age”. Or it could simply be a number I chose since Gonzo was taken. So without further ado.

Gonzo 2050!